All I Want For Christmas, Mets Version

By Deb McIver
Posted Monday, December 24, 2007

In case any of you is living under a rock and doesn't know it yet, the 2007 Holiday Season is now officially upon us. Just in case, like I said, you just crawled out from under your hidey hole.

I know what’s on MY Christmas list, and I guess by now most if not all of you know what’s on yours (as do most of your friends and relatives, by this time, I suspect, lol).

So that being done and out of the way, I thought it might be fun to speculate on what some of the Mets might have on THEIR Christmas/Hanukkah lists.

Like Fred Wilpon, for example. What do you suppose Fred might want? What do you suppose a man who can pretty much buy everything and anything he wants might covet for Christmas?

World peace?

Nah, him not having the lofty aspirations of, say, your average run-of-the-mill beauty pageant contestant, his Christmas Wish List is undoubtedly much different.

I’ll tell you what he probably wants – The Accidental World Championship. Which is what it’s going to have to be with this cast of characters he’s thus far assembled for the 2008 Mets team!

That, and a pair of rose-colored, "the future's so bright, you gotta wear shades" glasses to replace the ones he's already wearing, seeing as how they've gotten a little cloudy, scratched and just plain old over the last two seasons!

And how about Jeff Wilpon?

I’ll betcha Jeffy Boy, in addition to his current duties (which I’m not sure anyone really knows for certain what THOSE are, including Jeffy Boy) would likely dearly love to have the job of the next guy I’m going to talk about. Namely, one

Omar Minaya. And what can Santa bring Omar?

How about a top of the rotation pitcher? And just like any other kid at Christmas, Omar probably expects this as his justly due gift… you know, an “ask and ye shall receive” type of deal, falling in his lap, as if miraculous, manna from Santa…..

And oh, while you’re at it, Santa, how about a contract extension, Omar is probably wondering. After all, he’s done such a wonderful job the past year or so, and only has two more years left on his contract, poor thing.

And then there’s Willie Randolph.

I’ll betcha right at the top of his list is one obedient, eager, hepped up and ready to go, hell bent on winning it all, Jose Reyes.

And, you know, NATURALLY hepped up, nothing artificial involved, or anything.

And Rick Peterson?

Aside from a new jacket and hairpiece, probably a pretty much entirely reworked bullpen.

Hey, Rick, you already got ONE early gift – the exit of Guillermo Mota. So don’t be greedy, now!

What about Pedro Martinez?

Probably the same as Omar – a true ace at the top of the rotation. You know, to take the pressure off him, and to allow him to get his usual 25 days of rest between starts, and to cheerlead the rest of the time.

You know what? I’d be happy with that! But of course, this isn’t about me, it’s about the Mets. So, let’s go on, shall we?

Oliver Perez?

Respect, baby…. Respect! R-E-S-P-E-C-T, as the great Aretha Franklin once sang!

Orlando Hernandez?

Just a spot on the team would do him just fine.

Oh, and another year or two subtracted from his already phonied up “official age!”

Billy Wagner?

A couple of new llamas, and the First Annual Jackie Gleason “I’ve Got a Biiiiig Mouth” award!

Duaner Sanchez?

Some good, piping hot, Mexican food, delivered daily to Shea Stadium. So he can, you know, avoid taxis.

Carlos Delgado?

A couple of new bats, in case that was the problem last year. You know, just in case.

Jose Reyes?

Carte blanche to do whatever he wants, wherever he wants, whenever he wants.

With absolutely no interference from any Willie…….. er, from anyone, anyone at all!

David Wright?

A championship. A batting title. An MVP. Another Gold Glove.

With visions of sugarplums……….. lol.

Hell, he’s probably the only guy on the team that wants something for everyone, not just for himself.

And he aims high; you've got to love it!

Carlos Beltran?

Why, of course, not to bat in front of the 2008 version of the 2007 Carlos Delgado.

One can only hope that the gift of new bats for Delgado will help that situation.

Moises Alou?

His wish for the gift of good health could not be more appropriate!

May he play at least 80 games for the Mets next year.

Amen. LOL

Let’s see, have I gotten to all the main ones?

Oh, speaking of main…..

Finally, John Maine.

A little black dres…….. I mean, uh, little black BOOK, yeah, that's what I meant, might well be on his list.... !!!!!!

Will the REAL John Maine please stand up... please stand up.... please stand up!!!!!