Happiness Is....

By Tom "Mr Star" Starita
Posted Saturday, October 20, 2007

While hanging out at our local bar of choice (KJs on Nelson Avenue) someone asked me, Tom Starita, what makes me happy? On the tv in the background was, at the time, Joe Torre speculation, so naturally my answer was baseball influenced. But I didn’t just have one, no no….as is my habit I started to rattle off answers.

That’s when it hit me….why not turn this into a column?

From the depths of idle bar conversation I bring you

In ascending order..

10) Not being a Padres fan right now.
Anytime I feel sorry for myself I think of the fans in San Diego. Two game lead with two to play. The last Saturday night of the season, a one run lead in the ninth inning against Milwaukee, with their Hall of Fame (italics denote sarcasm) closer on the mound. Only to see the son of the greatest Padre of all time tie the game with a triple. Followed by another loss on Sunday. Ok, regroup because Monday is the tie breaker, and you have your ace pitcher on the mound. Except said ace pitcher instantly gives up three runs. But you come back and put up a five spot. Only to see the game continue to go back and forth until FINALLY, in the thirteenth inning Scott Hairston hits a two run homer. Once again, Hall of Fame closer is brought in, and he blows the lead IMMEDIATELY! To add insult to the repeated injuries you, as a Padres fan had been forced to endure, the death blow comes on the worst blown call since Denkinger in the 85 World Series. Not only did Holliday not touch the plate, but home plate umpire Tim McClellend (he of the delayed strike call) took forever to make the call and STILL blew it! Unbelievable! Even I threw my remote in disgust! Colorado makes it to the World Series; you’re left wondering what might have been.

I know we have it bad but that is a HORRIBLE pill to swallow. At least we have 69 and 86. The Padres have Tony Gwynn and the San Diego Chicken!

9) Todd Helton
While everyone left for greener pastures, Todd Helton and his bad back stayed in Colorado. Sure, the reason WHY he stayed in Colorado was his astronomical contract but still, eleven years with one team IS impressive. The air was dusty when Todd was interviewed after clinching the pennant and he was having a hard time putting into words what the moment felt like. Good for him!

8) Tim McCarver
Unlike what seems to be the majority of baseball fans online, I love Tim McCarver! Perhaps it’s because I grew up with him and Ralph on Channel 9, but to me, a big game isn’t a big game without Tim doing color. He’s getting up in age now, and sometimes he doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I respect how he never second guesses a manager. Instead he always says what he would have done first, and as a bonus, isn’t afraid to admit when he’s wrong. Plus he’s funny, both intentionally and unintentionally!

7) Watching David Ortiz
He is by far the best clutch hitter I’ve ever seen. Better than Jeter, Mark Lemke or Kirk Gibson. Not only that, but he doesn’t force his at bats either, taking the walks when their given. But the real reason why I love watching David Ortiz is because he truly LOVES playing baseball! He’s a guy who realizes what’s going on and has a big smile on his face all the time. My only hope is his body doesn’t start breaking down on him. I want to see how many more great seasons and big dramatic hits are still left in his bat.

6) Ron Darling doing the Chicago/Arizona series
My friend Mike IMed me the instant Darling popped up on the television with Dick Stockton. I was really proud that one of our guys had made the jump to national television. Ron was born for the job and I really hope in the years to come he is a candidate to take over Tim’s chair when McCarver eventually retires. As a bonus, not only did he make Dick Stockton sound somewhat intelligent, but then he brought some stability to the studio show when they moved him inside. Great job Lee Boy! (Of course everyone knows Ron was robbed of an Academy Award when he portrayed the character “Lee Boy” in the movie “Shallow Hal)

5) Colorado beating Arizona
There was no way I could handle a team that is only ten years old possibly winning two championships. This is why I have no sympathy at all for all eighteen Marlins fans. They got theirs and more, it’s only fair some misery should be sprinkled in as well. Do you realize Arizona has been to the playoffs four times in their existence? Meanwhile the Mets have made the playoffs five times in twenty one years! So for all these reasons I had a huge Cheshire cat grin when Helton started fist pumping.

4) Chip Caray getting ripped by all media reporters
For the record I have ALWAYS hated Chip Caray. I find him annoying at best and condescending and downright spiteful at his worst. When he started singing “Beat the Mets” during the last game of the Braves season I officially lost it. Chip Caray is a bush league announcer and was officially exposed as one during the playoffs. Whether it was his routine mistakes on simple baseball knowledge (the winning run can’t be on base in the bottom of the eighth inning) or talking about how Mike Mussina had never pitched in relief, before mentioning two minutes later the 2003 ALCS, everything he said just made me yell at my television. Thank God Raissman in the Daily News and Mushnick in the Post called him on all his nonsense as well. I really hope TBS doesn’t make him their permanent lead announcer next year when they do national Sunday games of the week.

3) Roger Clemens walking off the mound hurt for the last time
I have two more regrets to add to my twenty nine years of living. The first is I didn’t write in my column last week what I told my family, friends, mailman, telemarketer and any other person I randomly talk to: If Roger Clemens was getting hit early he would call Torre and the training staff out and blame either his groin or his arm. The second regret I have is I couldn’t find the “Clemens pulls himself before the fourth inning due to injury” prop bet anywhere on those off shore gambling sites that I don’t frequent because they are illegal and immoral.

The hate I have for Chip Caray PALES in comparison to how much I despise Roger Clemens. By now you are fully aware of the reasons, and even if you don’t know, as a Mets fan he should disgust you. How delicious is it that instead of the last image of him being a sold out Joe Robbe stadium applauding his career in the 2003 World Series, it’s an angry Yankee Stadium crowd not even surprised by his actions.

Goodbye Roger, I hope the next time we hear your name it’s coming from a certain George Mitchell report.

2) The Phillies getting swept
Like I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I really had no animosity towards them. Everything changed however, when I read how they showed Mets “highlights” to fire up the crowd before Game 1 of the Division Series. It’s somewhat satisfying to know that the last four Phillies playoff games have been a Joe Carter walkoff to end the 1993 World Series, followed by a three game sweep by Colorado. Hope that NL East title was worth the quick exit.

And finally…Happiness Is..

1) Chaos in the Bronx
Here’s an interesting fun fact, over the past three years the Mets have more playoff victories than the Yankees, despite the Yankees making it every year and the Mets only once. The insane logic of World Series or bust has led to an organizational meltdown, where they fire a manager who has made the playoffs every year he’s had the job. We have no idea who is actually in charge, and Randy Levine is making it sound like he’s been running the show since 1995, instead of having some input since 2000. Will Rivera/Posada/Arod come back, and if so at what price?

PS I love how the preposterous premise I wrote about last week; Rivera becoming a Met actually became legitimate fodder on the internet this week. I guess it just proves that I am a baseball genius!

Getting back on track, will the curse of Don Mattingly continue if he’s named manager? All great questions, with answers we will only learn in time.

It may be a cliché, but there’s truth in the statement:

Misery loves company.

Hop aboard Yankees fans, there’s plenty of room on the misery bus for the both of us.
 

Tom is quite impressed with how he was able to stretch a throw away bar statement into a column with tremendous depth and insight. If you would like to congratulate Tom on this amazing sleight of hand, or send him money just as a thank you, MrStarita@yahoo.com. If you would prefer to extend your praise for everyone to see, use those forums! As a bonus, this Wednesday, October 24th, the band Burnt Youth is playing at KJs on Nelson Avenue! Come on down for great music, a chance to actually meet me, Tom Starita in person and good times!