Omar, Come Back To Us. And Get Some @#$% Pitching.

By Mike McGann
Posted Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Ah yes, World peace. It’s a lovely concept, people holding hands, singing Cumbayah in a virtual orgasm of brotherly love.

Of course, Cain and Abel sort of set the standard for brotherly love, a basic standard humanity has been exercising for about 10,000 years. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if shortly after Moses brought the down the 10 Commandments, someone else glanced at “Thou Shalt Not Kill” and beat someone to death with the tablet.

But still, we try. We laud those credited with extreme charity such as Mother Teresa. Of course, humanity being what it is, old MT probably invented email spam and is laughing in the afterlife every time you have to delete a debt consolidation or penis enlargement ad from your mailbox. And we laud those who go on humanitarian missions to help build “bridges of understanding” between people.

So what, exactly does this have to with the Mets? Mets GM Omar Minaya is in Israel teaching young Israelis and Palestinians to play basketball, among other things. Now, I have no doubt that teaching the pick and roll to kids whose families have hated each other since the Romans ruled modern day Israel will solve some problem — at minimum keeping the entire Mets front office from looking like heartless bastards.

Unfortunately, teaching the 2-3 zone doesn’t change the fact that both the Israelis and the Palestinians have a valid claim on the land, having both built homelands there over the last 5,000 years — more than once. So unless Minaya has a moment to grab the leaders of both groups, slap ‘em about the head and shoulders and suggest they both need to learn how to share and learn to exist on land that belongs to both of them, the Mets’ GM trip just means a few more Palestinian kids will be wearing Mets’ caps the next time they get into one of those wildly unsuccessful throwing rocks at Israeli tanks battles.

And we certainly can’t expect a guy who can’t find another starting pitcher to bring peace to the Middle East. I don’t see A’s GM Billy Beane trying to bring about world peace — of course, he’s honest and makes it clear that he pretty much despises everyone he thinks he’s smarter than, which means only Steven Hawking is on his Christmas card list.

So while the newspapers spew warm, sweet love on Minaya for his bold vision for bringing peace to the world via post-up moves, the Mets are a bigger mess than a bukkake queen in an NFL lockerroom and the team’s GM is 38 time zones away in the heart of trade and free agent season. I suppose Minaya’s trip means that he can’t sign Kyle Lohse to a four-year, $48 million contract, something other GMs are prevented from doing by having measurable alpha waves. Meanwhile, the starting rotation is shaky, the pen is not really improved from last season and most of the lineup can regale you with first-hand stories from the Harding Administration.

Or, as the captain of the Titanic said: “Iceberg? I don’t see any iceberg.”

Or (and yes, I’m piling on) things are such a mess in Flushing, Dr. Phil won’t even fly into LaGuardia.

Look, Omar, I know you’re actually a pretty good guy — and when you don’t read your press clippings, a decent GM. And yes, you’re one of the few guys in New York who could do a stint on The Apprentice as a vacation from your vain, greedy, short-sighted bosses.

But c’mon. You need to get back here and get to work. I’m pretty sure the fans aren’t going to go for the 2008 team slogan: “Catch the rising dough.” So, at minimum, you need to get a couple of arms in here and give Mets’ fans some reason to buy those $117 upper reserved seats.

The Israelis and Palestinians are probably going to keep killing each other no matter what you do. But only you can keep the Phillies from killing the Mets, which of course takes the whole brotherly love thing to a new level. And let’s not even get into the Braves, Nats and Marlins, all of whom would love to see the Mets crash into Jamaica Bay like an old Russian airliner.

So, Omar, get back on the plane and get back here. If not, don’t come crying to us when someone else overpays for Livan Hernandez.