We're All Born Bald, Baby!

By Tom "Mr. Star" Starita
Posted Friday, May 11, 2007

"She’s bald?"
"Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s bald!"
Jerry and George talking about the bald girl - Seinfeld

Before I begin I just want to congratulate my cousin Matt on his engagement to his lady – Paige. May your wedding not interfere with anything Mets related.

I want you to close your eyes and imagine a random Tuesday night in December. You just came home from a long day of work, trudging through the snow which started falling during rush hour. After discarding the jacket and hat you walk over to the thermostat to make sure the heat is running. After a satisfying dinner, you retreat to your living room for some quality television. It won’t take long to realize there is no quality television. At that moment, you will look over on your DVD shelf and spot the perfect way to kill a Tuesday night – the 2007 Mets DVD. Maybe you’ll settle in with a loved one, or a close friend. After hearing Gary Cohen introduce the season, seeing some highlights of spring training, opening day and the Damion Easley home run highlight reel you will reach the point of the first West Coast Trip. That’s when you will turn to the person you’re watching it with and say,

“This is where it all began”

Because as of right now, baseball is on notice – the Mets are waking up.

Good for us, bad for you.

For some teams, the way the Mets season ended last year is something you don’t come back from. The expectations are too much, injuries happen, a malaise sets in and next thing you know its August and the season is lost. There was some underlying fear in some Mets fans hearts and minds before the year started on top of the possible letdown. How will the team respond to the pressure and expectations of New York? Can the back end of the rotation hold up? Will our veterans make it through April in one piece? It’s very easy to see how the first thirty games of the year could have been bad.

Real bad

Like Phillies bad

On top of everything I listed above, the Braves were talking about reclaiming their throne. Then the season begins and they take four out of six, including two really bad Sunday losses thanks to a struggling Aaron Heilman. Pretty soon the rumblings coming from some of the fan base and the relaxed culture that is the World Wide Web were.

“The Mets are struggling, Atlanta is back – if they don’t grab a big lead now they’re in big trouble come the summer”.

To that I find solace in the words of the old banker in those Washington Mutual commercials, who, after hearing of free checking screams out in disgust,

“HORSE HOCKEY!”

The first thirty three games of the season saw Wright and Delgado as total non factors, the shocking injury of El Duque (please note sarcasm), the eighth inning struggles of Aaron “Uncle Sandy” Heilman, a .500 record at home and the inability to get runners in from third with less than two outs. Yet despite all that, the Mets are 21-12, tied for first place, as of Wednesday night.

Before the season started I wrote of Atlanta’s chances on another site,

In conclusion, will the Braves contend for a wild card? Probably. Could they make us work a little for the division? Possibly. Could they battle the Marlins for third place and hover around .500 all year? Most likely.

After the first month and change of the season my opinion hasn’t changed. They beat us four out of six, their bullpen is better, their kids are hitting, the pitching is great and yet still, we are tied.

If this is boxing, or more currently, the UFC – we took a couple of hard shots, shrugged them off and now a smile is creeping over our face.

The 2007 Mets are special. A combination of Willie Randolph, the youth of Reyes/Wright and the mix of the right veterans have created maybe the loosest, if not the best clubhouse in baseball. Of course someone is going to ask how I know that, when not only have I never been inside the Mets clubhouse, but I have never been inside ANY clubhouse.

I respond simply by pointing to the bald heads in every locker; specifically Shawn Green and Moises Alou. Two veterans, up there in age who did NOT want to shed their locks. Moises said his wife has wanted him to shave for years and will not be happy that instead of doing it for her he finally did it for a group of guys. Shawn Green obviously takes great pride in his hair, why do you think his hat always falls off? He wants to show off his mane! He had no desire to go along with the crowd, especially after dropping fifty bucks in Arizona for a haircut. Yet both men subjected themselves to Carlos Beltran and his shears!

Please point to the last time more than twenty five men from diverse backgrounds, cultures and economic brackets decided to do something unified? Its one thing to say we’re all going to wear black gloves, or wear our stirrups high; quite another to willingly and gleefully look ridiculous just for a laugh. More importantly, its proof positive come the inevitable bump in the road, this team will not panic. They are too close, too confident to get distracted and lose focus. They want to do something special this year, and if it takes everyone shaving their heads to kick it into third gear, well let the jokes begin!

Ok I want you to close your eyes and go back to that December night, watching the 2007 Mets DVD. Reyes is running, David is hitting, the Carloses are doing their thing, Tommy wins his 300th, Billy continues with the 1-2-3 9th innings. Upon reaching the highlights of October maybe you’re throat will get a little tight, watching one dog pile after another take place – until THE pile finally occurs. And when the DVD finishes you’ll look up and smile, remembering how you felt. A tremendous sense of satisfaction will engulf your entire being. All will be right in your world.

That’s when your significant other or friend will casually look at you and ask

“So, when are you going to stop shaving your head?”
 

Tom Starita shaved his head for over two years, and has no problem doing it again if that means the team starts piling up wins. He is expecting plenty of shaved heads at Shea this Saturday as well. If you want some of his hair in a zip-lock bag, or want to send well wishes to the happy engaged couple, contact him at mrstarita@yahoo.com Of course, if you have no intentions of shaving your head you can always just visit our forums!